Poem #4

Daddy Please
You are so unforgivable.
Your words of hate,
your cold, cold heart.
I hear you scream,
I hear you yell.
How could you say the things you say?
How could you hurt those
around you?
Why do you shove?
Why do you physically hurt us?
Why do you verbally and emotionally
hurt the ones you love?
You weren’t always like this.
Don’t you remember?
Remember when we would play,
when we would read together?
Remember when you used to tell me
that you loved me?
I try to hold onto the father
I once knew,
but find it difficult to do so.
Where are you?
Who are you?
All these years I thought you were
special, different from other dads,
Loving, and caring;
but now my dreams are gone,
my hope is gone.
How can you live with yourself
knowing what you have done to me,
to my siblings,
to my mother.
You say that your words are not hateful,
then why do I feel like trash.
Why do I have bruises?
Not only on my heart,
but on my mind,
on my soul.
I want you to come back,
but not if you don’t fix it.
Not if you aren’t the father I once knew.
Where are you?
Please, change and come back.
Please.
I’m begging,
I’m praying,
and I’m broken.
I need the daddy I once knew.
I need his love,
I need his gentleness.
Were you always like this?
Were you always this cruel?
Daddy please,
come home.

Who Are You?

Who are you?


Why haven't I met you?


I sit here waiting, hoping, longing just to meet you,


just to see your face.




I wonder what you look like


I inquire as to how you act.


Do I see you in the halls at school


Do I walk past you in the mall?

I see everyone with their love,


their lives filled with joy.


And then I see me,


and I am left asking where is mine?





I want to tell you who I am,


My hopes, and my dreams.


I long for you to hold me when times become rough,


I want to feel your warmth.





I pray to God asking, begging, and praying.


Hoping that you are searching for me to.


I beg Him to make time quick so our days can be everlasting.


I ask for Him to bring you to me.





But in the end I am left here waiting,


I am left here praying,


and I am left here wondering


Who you are.

The Darkness

well its for sure..... my dad has said he wants a divorce..

oh Lord Father please help me through this!!!!

Catch up on life

So it has been a very long time since I have written on here. I tried to get on in the past but unfortunately it would not let me.

Since the last time I have posted something here, a lot has happened. Unfortunately most of what has happened has not been good, but there have been a few things in my life that have happened that are good.

I am currently attending Front Range Community College. I am studying English but that could change. I am taking a variety of classes so I can keep my options open. But so far, I am really enjoying all my classes.

I am working at Old Navy which is SO much fun!!! I would like to have more hours so I can move out of the house but other than that it is really good. :)

The good news out of all this time is that I have now published a poem in an anthology. It was published by Green Spring Publishings. If you are wondering which poem was published, you can look on this blog. It should be poem number 3.

Now for the bad news.... I was in a serious car accident back in March. It was not my fault but unfortunately totalled my brand new 2008 Hyundai accent. It only had 7,000 miles on it... That was a sad day. Now I am driving a 2008 Hyundai Elantra which I absolutely LOVE! It is the best car ever.

The other bad news is that my parents are getting a divorce. So we all are going through a extremely rough time. I have been trying to keep my spirits up but find it difficult to do so.. I just hope that this all ends soon. I am not sure how much I or the rest of my family can take. So if you all could please keep the situation in your prayers that would be fantastic.

Well that is pretty much all I have to report right now.

I am going to start another poem soon and will be posting it onto here when it is finished.

Until then, take care all!! May your days be filled with happiness and joy.




april

Poem #3

this one isn't very good, but I'm trying to get into the habbit of writing and practicing poetry so here it goes.....


The Joy of Music

Across the wind it gently flows,
flying through the air.
Touching every mind and heart,
and all of those who care.

Softly bringing hope and peace,
if only for a while.
Taking souls of all that live,
it always brings a smile.

You cannot see and cannot touch,
it's only caught through sound.
Flowing through the trees and grass,
it longs to just be found.

It changes hearts; it changes thoughts,
it changes every life.
It brings joy to every heart,
taking away all strife.

This gentle thing we prize in life,
is often taken for granted.
It is all our dreams, and all our lives,
and very much enchanted.

-april O.

Questions of hope

Hope... is there any? Everyone says that there is hope in the world and we just have to look for hope, but I don't see it. Where is this hope they talk about? I want to try some. Hope is not in my word factor right now. And I have to stop and ask myself if I will ever experience it.

Through out life I always wonder if I could ever get back to the life that I once knew. The life that was full of joy, peace, and yes hope. But in the last 6 years all I have seen is failure. There is never going to be hope again.. right?

I don't know...

Love Comes Softly

Today I watched a video on youtube. It was called Love Comes Softly. And although it was a very touching movie, I got one thing out of it.

"the truth about God's love, is not that He allows bad things to happen; it's His promise to be there with us when they do."

bad things are going to happen and we need to realize that when they happen we are not alone. This is something I struggle with even today. But looking back on all the storms I have passed through or gotten stuck in, I begin to realize that God never left me and He never will. His love for me is never ending.