The Future

So i was thinking the other day about whether or not i should find some way to stay at CCU or to go the cheaper route and get my general education done at a community college. And after going to the student workshops and listeneing to them talk about decisions i went home and thought about the pros and cons to leaving CCU. And after asking God what He thinks and going over the pros and cons, I have decidied to go to the community college. Not just because of money, but because I feel like the only way to spread the word to others about God's love is to go out into the world where there are no believers. It will be hard, but I will be doing what God wants me to do.

Bible Verses and Reflections

"Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I love this verse because whenever I feel unsafe or worried I just say this verse over and over to myself and it is like a weight is being lifted off of me. Thinking about this verse amkes me want to sing about God's amazing grace and how he will shelter us if we only ask. God is amazing and I am so lucky that He wants me to be His daughter. Sometimes I dont understand why He would want me to be His daughter, but I read the word and He tells me that He loves me and will never abandon me.

Life Questions

To live. What does it truely mean? If we just sit like rocks in a stream not wanting to budge, is that life? Or is life the stream that flows constantly, never being the same? If someone is breathing but not enjoying the world, are they living? what does it mean to live life to the fullest? These are all questions I have been asking myself. But i stop to wonder if this question will ever be answered. Or is it best to be left a mystery? I can't say what i believe yet,but in the end I know that it will all be worth it. To live eternally with my Father in heaven; to never be sad or in pain again. I long for this future that has been put in front of me. I ask my Father when He will come back to take me home. And though I don't get a specific answer, I can rest assure that He will come for me soon.

New Job

So I am currently working for the Family Christian Stores and I hate it. It's not that I don't like working with people, but I am not getting along with some of the poeple there. But... I just found out that Old Navy called and they want to set up an interview. I really hope this will work out. It would be best if I switched jobs.

Poem Number 2

The Road I Walk Upon
Every time I walk this road,
I know it comes with fear.
Anger, sadness, hurt, and pain,
and the loss of all that's dear.

I pray to God for strength and hope,
and to make another day.
Knowing that the future's rough,
there's got to be a way.

Pushing through my pain and past,
I long to just forget.
I hear the screams, and vial words,
I try not to get upset.

And every day I ask myself,
if you truly love me.
I hope and wait, and wait and hope,
to see if I should flee.

People say that words don't hurt,
but they are truly painful.
I try to cope with all you give,
but you are just disdainful.

I try to love you every day,
and love is all I want.
You hide your love which hurts me most,
when our relationship is detent.

All I can do is hope and pray,
that you will come around.
I do not want this pain inside,
that always cuts me down.

Poem Number 1

The Words I Wept

Talks in class make me fear
Of what will come here after.
No one ever understands
Instead they all bring laughter.

Their laughter hurts
And cuts down deep.
For they don't see
That inside I weep.

I try my best to speak my mind
But nothing comes out right.
I go home saddened, hurt, and scared
That I am not as bright.

My siblings seem to go through life
Without a single care.
No one ever understands,
To me it's just unfair.

And every time the teacher says
that I need to come and speak
the dread comes up, fear falls down,
and then I feel weak.

How can I speak of what I think
When my words are not the same.
My words are wrong, the fear comes back,
and all I feel is shame.

Will I ever want this gift?
I hope I can accept.
It'll be the gift I love
And the last I've ever wept.